It comes up in conversations with the guys all the time. "What do women really look for in a guy? What should I put in my online profile? Do I post that shirtless bathroom mirror selfie?" These age-old questions drive guys crazy and with the world of online dating, you might have just a split second to make that first impression. So how can a guy really stand out in the crowd?
To gain some more insights I reached out to dating and relationship coach, Lauren Korshak, as a certified Marriage and Family Therapist and former matchmaker she's able to share her perspective as a dating coach and woman.
According to Lauren, you need first need to be clear on what you are looking for. If you are just looking for casual dates or for a relationship, make sure that is clear in your profile. Once you chatting (in person or online), be direct, let her know what you like about her. If it's via an online dating app or site, wait for her reply, if she does ask her out within the first few messages. Be clear you want to take her on a date and try to move offline after a few messages.
Keep it simple:
For a first note or message, make the message clear, simple, and to the point.
Communicate what you like. Do this in the first message, on the first date, and ongoing. Complimenting can be vulnerable but feels good (don't over do it - once every few messages or once a date is enough)
The first date should be simple, on neutral ground, and should be somewhere you can really interact and get to know one another. Shouting over a loud band or dealing with a crowded bar might not be the best place to keep the conversation going. At the end of the date, be clear, let her know if you would like to see her again.
Getting to that first date today often means having the right dating profile. Lauren has shared her Dating Coach's online Dating Profiles Dos & Don'ts. While most of these should be common sense, a lot of guys are sending the wrong vibes with their online profile.
DO:
- Include multiple pictures, including at least two that are solo and clearly show your face (one should show your body)
- Include pictures that show your hobbies and personality
- Be quirky, or be yourself. If you're funny, let that shine through what you write. If you're really into your dog or bike racing, you can reference that.
- Include a written line about your interests and/or about what you value or what you're looking for
DON'TS
- Send dick pics
- Write nothing
- Include shirtless gym selfies in your profile (instead, show you've put in the effort to find a picture of you or have one taken).
- Write "looking for whatever." Women want to see that you know what you want.
- Write about what you don't like or don't want, i.e. "don't bother messaging me if you're just gonna say hi." It just makes you sound like you focus on the negative.
Big thanks to Lauren Korshak, Dating + Relationship Coach | Marriage and Family Therapist for sharing her insights for more info on her practice and programs visit www.laurenkorshakmft.com.
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